Oceans
by casfics
Summary: Something had changed, they both knew it, but the reality was too painful to face. Instead they just ignore the fact that the ocean between is growing bigger and bigger with each passing day. It is a race to anchor themselves and find belonging before it’s too late.


_"It feels like there's oceans, Between you and me once again, We hide our emotions, Under the surface and try to pretend, But it feels like there's oceans, Between you and me" - Oceans, Seafret_

A heavy knock on the office door.

'If it isn't the loveliest lady I know,' he smiles, pushing aside the documents and welcoming her in. 'To what do I owe the pleasure?'

'Loveliest,' Alicia repeats, tasting the word as it escapes her lips. 'Really?'

'Yeah,' he manages a crooked smile. 'Take a seat.'

Ethan pushes a rusty, vintage-looking biscuit tin in her direction. Since he is clinical lead, he likes to be the approachable one, in a bid to make all colleagues feel as comfortable and respected as possible. This tin isn't the standard one. It's the special occasions tin, saved for promotions, life events and really bad news. Still, he offers it in Alicia's direction. Not that a heart to heart really justifies getting out to hobnobs and shortbread, but, rightly or wrongly, he has a soft spot where she's concerned.

In two gulps, she's swallowed it. He nibbles one too, just to be polite, at a much slower speed than she.

'Hungry?' He asks idly, raising an eyebrow.

'Sorry!' She gives a little laugh, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear. 'Shift has been evil, I–I haven't had a break yet.'

He watches her carefully, nudging the tin an inch closer towards her with the tip of an index finger. 'Take your break then.'

'Nah, it wouldn't be fair. I'm here chatting with you, taking break as well would just be taking liberties.'

'Who says?' He asks, sitting closer towards the desk.

'I say.' She mumbles. 'I wouldn't do it to my patients.'

'Married to the job.' He raises an eyebrow, amused. 'Did you need anything?'

'Uh, just a chat, really.' She swallows once, hard. 'There isn't an easy way of saying this. You know how we were talking — in the pub — about me finding a property of my own?'

He buries his head in his hands. 'Of course. I forgot to ask. Any success?'

'Just a little.' She replies uneasily. 'Up in Edinburgh.'

'Edin— as in, _Scotland_?'

'Yes. Obviously I don't have much experience in doing so, so I wondered if you would help me file my resignation... please.'

He breathes out heavily, glancing from his feet back to her. Accusation pools in his green eyes, making for a darker stare than he intends. Thoughts rapidly assemble in his head, one after another, the distance, the abruptness, the loss.

'More than a hundred miles away. That really is a change.' He forces the words out.

It is like something has clicked, for guilt owns her expression as she looks back at him, twisting her lips into a small hopeful smile. 'I'll be closer to family. An opportunity has come up, it would be everything, I could specialise and—'

'You can specialise here! Uh, _any_ specialism, you name it, I will happily oblige, a-and vouch for you. I'll even help! Well, depending on what it is, I never was much good in obs and gynae, but—'

'Ethan.' She shakes her head a little, voice coming out in whispers now. 'Everything's already sorted. It all makes sense. Finally, things are falling into place for me. I can't miss this.'

He nods solemnly, vigorously, spinning round on his chair to face the cabinets. That way, he hopes to perhaps convince both himself and Alicia that he's looking for the papers to pass over. Even though that's blatantly obvious he's not doing that. Above everything, he needs a second to compose himself. To organise a suitable reaction that doesn't involve stuttering, shaking or dropping to his knees and begging.

'Can I say anything to change your mind?' He says finally, spinning back round.

The watery smile he sees next imprints itself on his brain instantly, lodging itself there. He doesn't need her words. He slides across the sheet slowly and takes the tin back, hugging it to his chest, as if the woman sitting next to him wasn't the only thing leaving him.

-x-

Ethan marches through the car park, ignoring a wave from a paramedic and the people bustling around him. Things just don't seem right. The thought of letting any member of staff go feels like a punch, like a defeat, like a wrongdoing. But to let her go.

Despite himself, he feels bitter. A bitterness that has nothing to do with the unseasonal chilliness, but rather associated with a loss. Of course, he was to blame.

He put her on the back burner. He told her he didn't want her. He ignored her calls in the summer. What must she have thought? Felt? _Oh god._

Just as things seem to be improving, they are taking the biggest nose dive of all time. It isn't fair. She isn't his to lose, but it is a loss all the same. He ponders this a moment, realising he cannot possibly lose a friend, willingly. If she leaves, it is over. The distance determines that. And then what? Where will that leave him? Where will it leave them?

The milky sky is tinged yellow; a fine hazy mist beginning to fall. Day is fading fast. It is then that he spots her.

'Alicia!' He calls, though his voice begins to croak.

She turns round, as if shocked, then continues to walk on just as quick.

Hurt sears through him, and he breaks into a run, finally catching up to her and grabbing her arm. 'Y-you heard, but you didn't turn round—'

'This isn't making things any easier. I'll call.'

'You'll call?' He spits the word, as if it's poison. 'Let's just hear each other's voices at the end of the phone, shall we?'

She stares at him for a second, as if what he's suggesting would be completely fine. The pretence breaks, and she shakes her head with exasperation. 'I'll mail then.'

'You're being facetious.'

'And you're clinging on!' She retorts, hair swinging over her shoulder as she glowers with contempt.

His arms drop back by his sides, helpless. For once, she is right. Her words carry weight and it makes him flinch. Hits a nerve. In the distance, sirens blare. Laughter faint from somewhere. Chattering that sounds like mumbles. Life is going on.

She stands there too, looking back at him as if she might be torn. This lasts a second. Next, fingers clutch the taxi door handle. It opens.

Before he can stop them, his legs begin to betray him, running towards the car.

She rolls her eyes through the window as she winds it down. 'What?'

He opens his mouth, then closes it again.

The driver says something under his breath, which neither of them really hear. This is it. This is the deciding moment.

-x-

'We ought to do this in person,' she mumbles. 'It wouldn't be fair to just slope away.'

'Let's walk round and say goodbye, you're right.'

Ethan takes his gloved hands out his pocket and attempts a smile. She returns it, pausing a second, then takes her hand.

'What will people think though?' She says, hesitating.

'Who cares? Licia, I'm going to miss this place, but who will _truly_ miss us when we're gone?'

'You said I'd be sorely missed by all only two hours ago, so speak for yourself, Mr Consultant.' She nudges him playfully.

In spite of himself, he chuckles back. 'Anyway, we need to hurry. That taxi driver seemed pretty frazzled, irked even more by my appearance. He may very well be gone when we leave this hospital, and I don't fancy booking and paying for another.'

'Uh, changed your tune. What happened to moving mountains to be with me? You can't put a price on—'

She breaks off, squealing in protest as he jabs her under the ribs where he knows he'll get a reaction. As the automatic doors open in front of them, Charlie is standing in the foyer. His arms are behind his back and he offers an awkward smile, then looks past them slightly. It is as if he is waiting for something, but they have no time to waste.

'All very sudden, I know. I would just like to say a huge thank you and, uh, farewell! For now, at least.'

'Wh- leaving? You two are...' Charlie's face transforms from blank to confused. 'You two are? You're going together? Even after that messy break up?'

The pair exchange glances with matching smirks and Ethan nods proudly.

'There was a job opportunity up in Scotland, unmissable really, Alicia wanted to take it and so—'

'You will do a marvellous job training her. Six month placement, is it? Nice of you to accompany her, though I'm shocked you're leaving so soon yourself. I gather you'll be back? The department doesn't run itself you know, and Dylan's not half as good as you.' Charlie says genially.

There is a pause as both realise he has misunderstood. The second of silence is palpable.

'Yes, sixth months initially,' Ethan agrees, with a subtle wink in her direction. 'I will try. I'll teach her everything I know. Grow her mind... if that is at all possible.' The note of sincerity in his voice radiates through the foyer, suggesting that although he's joking, he's also being serious in a way he's never been before.

'You saying your goodbyes then, or would you like me to? I'm just waiting for Duffy, see, she popped to the shops. She'll be along in a few minutes.'

Alicia checks her watch then bites her lip. 'Actually, would you mind doing it for us?'

'Of course I will. Stay in touch. We'll see you soon.'

'Thanks, Charlie.' Alicia stretches up to hug him.

'Bye, Charlie. And from the bottom of my heart, thank you — for it all.' Ethan beams.

-x-

'Home sweet home.' Alicia drops the keys on the side with a heavy clunk. 'It's actually freezing, isn't it? Nowt cosy about it at all.'

Ethan nods, furrowing his brow and scanning the walls for a thermostat. 'I presume you looked into the minutiae when you applied for tenancy.'

'I don't follow.'

He laughs a little. 'You better try to follow, it's kind of a big deal.'

'Explain in English, then. I didn't read the terms and conditions, if that's what you mean. Who has that kind of time?'

'People that are about to sign legally binding contracts and pass over their bank details to a place that may or may not have gas heating, normally.' He replies evenly, picking up the tatty manual lying on the kitchen table.

He scans over the booklet, looking for anything remotely relevant that might offer them a chance of having warmth.

'Any problems, call the landlord,' he reads aloud, glancing across at Alicia, who is scrolling her phone and engrossed in whatever she's reading. 'We need to call the landlord.'

'And say what?' She looks up.

'Hi there, I'm the tenant of your flat, we can't seem the figure out the heating—'

'But what if he—'

'I'll ring,' he sighs, punching the numbers into his phone and holding it to his ear.

After a long few minutes of exasperated words, and the conversation getting more and more heated, Ethan slams the phone down with force and buries his head in his hands. He looks up, back over at the suitcase sitting patiently in the doorway. He groans.

'Guessing it's not good news?' She asks.

'Not really, no.' He exhales slowly, trying hard to keep in the pent up frustration. A seven hour drive had not been easy, and that coupled with being freezing was really starting to wind him up.

'Spill then.' She shifts her weight from one leg to the other. 'What is it?'

'Apparently there's something in the contract about heating cutting out after seven and starting up again at seven the following morning.' He explains. 'I obviously tried to dispute it, termed it ridiculous, to which he became very unpleasant and snottily told me that me and "my tart" could find someplace else. Naturally that stirred a few cross words out of me, too.'

'So...' Alicia says, propping herself up on a fist, seemingly unphased by his words.

'So we've no heating between these hours. The soonest you can abandon the contract is a month too, else he threatens to get the law involved — whatever that means coming from a loud Scottish bloke in his mid-fifties. I didn't like the sound of it.'

She pulls a face, then it crumples with despair. 'I'm so sorry. I feel so helpless, so stupid—'

He gives a heavy sigh. 'No, darling. You're wonderful. What sort of place lacks heating? It's ludicrous. No wonder such an otherwise gorgeous flat in a stunning location was left empty.'

'It's so stupid. Maybe we can start a fire.'

'I'll crack on with it, you run a bath. We still have electric, boil a kettle and have a shallow one.' He says, springing to action. 'It will be alright.'

She laughs, as if she knows he's lying. He laughs too. It is crazy, neither find the situation remotely funny but looking to be amused feels better than breaking down.

-x-

The fire spits and roars while the telly blares. Old habits die hard, or not at all — Ethan clicks the subtitles on and falls back against the leather with a contented sigh.

They curl up together, resuming the position they always used to adopt: both slightly leaned back, her draped over half of his body, his left hand against her back and right clutching the TV remote.

'Shampoo smells familiar,' he says, sniffing close to her hair. 'Shea butter and coconut. That takes me back a bit.'

' _Get you_ ,' she prods him, impressed smile adorning her face. 'Shampoo connoisseur Hardy.'

'Man of many talents, you see.' He strokes her hair gently, wry amusement playing on his lips.

She cuddles closer to him, wriggling her feet under the edges of the fleece blanket. 'I didn't think you'd remember or anything, it's only minor.'

He laughs softly. 'How could I forget? Do you not remember the time I ran out and had to walk round the ED smelling like I'd stepped out of The Body Shop?'

'Oh yeah, that day when you secretly used my shampoo and felt so guilty you bought me flowers. Even though you'd only used a few squirts.' She giggles, remembering.

'I like it really.' He says quietly. 'Reminds me of you, which is probably why.'

'I'm glad you came with me,' she says softly.

'I'm glad I did too,' he replies, then pauses. 'It's a good job I did really, isn't it? Dread to imagine what would have become of you if not.'

'I would have managed, actually, I am a strong independent woman and—'

'You don't need "no man", yes, I'm sure. I heard all about your little one year promise. It helps to have someone to ring up for you when you'd rather not talk about serious stuff on the phone though, right?'

'Yes,' she sniffles a bit, brushing her hair out of her eyes with a hand. 'It also helps to have someone to steal body heat off.'

'If that's what you want to call it,' he replies, eyes sparkling. 'Suppose it's as good an excuse as any other.'

There is a thud, causing them both to glance downwards. The flat is, unfortunately, a sixth floor one. There are many reasons why this is bad. It's not ideal because neighbours are noisy. It's not ideal because the lift will inevitably break. It's not ideal because fire safety significantly decreases. Also, exceptionally inconvenient if you fear heights. Ethan shut his eyes as the lift ascended and kept them that way until the moment they stepped over the threshold. Already, this has paved an interesting new way of life for them: pretend to be blind until you leave the building.

Both begin to wonder what is causing the minor earthquake downstairs. It isn't the most secure of places. The location is positively lovely, but the estate itself is terrifying. Its inhabitations leave a lot to be desired from what they've seen already.

'Probably a party,' Ethan mutters, settling back on the sofa.

'Yeah, probably.' She whispers. 'Hopefully.'

He turns to look at her curiously. 'Please don't worry, that's my job.'

'I'm not worrying.' She replies instantly, shrugging a little.

He nods slowly, deciding to change the subject. 'This isn't the most amazing of places, but it will do for now. It can be our home, even if temporarily. I'm truly glad that we've moved away. I think it was what we both needed.'

'Hear hear.' She says. 'I feel as if we should have a toast.'

'I've a bottle of white rolling round in the bottom of the suitcase.' He remembers. 'I'll pop and get it soon.'

'Shit, we still need to unpack.' She says, letting out a heavy groan.

'Yes, but at least we've showered.' He reminds her. 'We have tomorrow to sort out all the chores. We stopped for a curry on the way, we're here under a blanket now—'

'Everything feels better once you're home,' she murmurs. 'Home really is a feeling, isn't it? It has sod all to do with four walls.'

'Mm.' He agrees, eyes fluttering closed for a split second. 'I know what you mean.'

'You've gone all mumbly, you're tired.' She recognises.

He nods a little bit, tufts of hair sticking up in different directions. 'We can still stay up and chat for a bit though.'

'Just ten minutes then in front of the fire.'

'Yeah. As like a house-warming, I guess. That was ironic. Not much _warming_ going on, is there? And not much _house_ , either—'

They both laugh tiredly, despite themselves.

'Think of all the stories we'll share though. The memories. I would rather be with you in this shitty little box-flat than alone in the flat share, any day.' She says, glancing up at him.

'I am flattered, and they say romance is dead!' He exclaims, though he's still smiling.

'Neither of us are alone though, that's got to mean something.'

'Course it does, I was just messing. I am finally home. You are finally home.'

They fall quiet, thinking for a moment. It's hard to tell how much time has passed. It could be a second, it could be a minute, it could be a century, but at long last, neither of them care. It is a glorious feeling and they soak it up.

'Enough of the soppy.' Alicia rises up, blinking away the residual tears that had begun to well. 'I'm off to find that wine and those mugs. After all this time, I say we bloody deserve it. Let the flat-cooling commence.'

He chuckles as she makes her way to the bedroom, watching her blonde waves bounce over her shoulder and seeing her nearly trip over the trailing dressing gown. He realises what he's missed with a sting. The coldness has vanished, and it's no coincidence. He is lucky. At long last, it feels like it will stay this way.

-x-

 _ **Had to do a take on the flat share reference - I am convinced they dropped it in to foreshadow them actually coming together again. It is the perfect time! Please let me know what you think to this, comments are appreciated.**_


End file.
